Boil noodles per package directions. Drain and rinse under cold water. Toss in sesame oil to prevent clingy drama.
In a small bowl, mix soy sauce, hoisin, rice vinegar, ginger, and garlic. Channel your inner saucy diva.
Heat wok over medium-high. Toss in broccoli and carrots. Stir-fry 3 minutes until they stop being lazy.
Add peppers and snow peas. Cook 2 more minutes. Veggies should be tender, but not limp like your last situationship.
Toss in noodles and sauce. Stir until everything is glossy, coated, and hot. Confidence level: rising.
Remove from heat. Top with green onions and sesame seeds like you own a bistro.